“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23
I often find myself fantasizing about my wedding day.
I find myself grinding at every last detail; from my odd obsession with country music as the nightly playlist, to the rose gold tablecloths, and bubbly pink champagne as the table topper. (and just so everyone knows I have the colors picked out for my future wedding so just be aware when that day comes..)
In addition, I know my bridesmaid dress style, and the fact that there is without a doubt going to be a chocolate fountain, and thanks to Pinterest, I know I want to sit next to my husband, in awe while watching floating lanterns blanket a warm summer night sky…. a girl can dream, right?
But the questions that always follow are; When is it going to be? Who is it going to be with? God, at least tell me what he looks like…What am I going to look like? Will I actually ever get married or am I dying alone with 20 cats?? Who am I inviting? Is college actually a place to get an education or is it really just to find your bridesmaids???
Where will I be in my life at this time?
And I overwhelm myself with a constant worry of when these things are going to happen. It’s hard to feel like you’re not missing out on something. While there are people all around us every day, posting pictures of their love on social media, getting married, and having children. It seems as if everywhere we turn, there are more and more reasons and temptations to find “love” or companionship. You have every opportunity in the world to feel wanted and cared for, only if you accept the invitation. We are completely submerged in a world, not only fascinated by, but preferring online dating, swiping right, snap chatting, and one-night hookups; a world of social media-induced torture.
But why? Why are we so caught up with finding someone, anyone, to take care of us? Why are we so concerned about dating and marriage, wanting to grow up so fast? Why are we so fixed on controlling every aspect of our daily life?
Simply because we need the presence of other people in our life. Because we want the control we think we have. We crave the attention, the love, the lust, the feeling that someone is always going to be emotionally there for us and we won’t be alone in a trial.
Sometimes it’s hard going through life and experiencing hardships without the dependency of another person. We grow up struggling to find independence free from our parent’s grasp, but at the same time, we need that attention, love, and support from another person. I believe that we often use people as safe havens to mask unrevealed feelings and emotions, only opening up the depths of our heart through an experience we describe as “love”.
It’s difficult, because learning to be okay with being raw, being genuine, & being make-up free is a process that only takes place when you let it. If we are unable to look at our reflection in the mirror and face our demons, how could we possibly be ready to support anyone else in that process?
Maybe this all derives back to forgetting our purpose here on earth.
You and I were created from love and composed of love. This means every inch of our being and existence was created through God’s approval. Our God knew us in the womb. He molded us and shaped the days of our life before one of them came to be. He is all-knowing, and his plan for us throughout our life ahead was created with purpose and intent, but also knowing that we would fail him on this journey.
I mean, love is inherently everything we are seeking, right? We all just wanted to be loved..The true love, though can only be given by one man, who is Christ himself.
My sweet child, your purpose here on earth isn’t to be somebody else’s girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife; Your purpose here on earth isn’t needing man, but needing God. Our purpose is pleasing him with the gifts we have been given. Our purpose is to love without receiving.
The problem I’ve faced for a while is delighting in the heart of man, when I claimed to have been giving my whole heart to Christ.
“My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes delight in my ways.” Proverbs 23:26
But see, that’s what we do. We get excited, we hang out with “Mr/Miss.Right” a couple times a week, which turns into every other night. Before you realize it, God is put on the back burner and you begin to lose sight of the man who deserves all of your attention and essentially all of your love.
Christ should be the center of attention in our lives and the center of our hearts before we claim we want to be in a relationship. His death for our failures, our weaknesses, our sins, should be proof enough that he WANTS all of our love and reciprocates that love back to us in numerous ways throughout our day. And how could we ever try to compensate that love for human interests?
One of my favorite verses outlines what exactly love is.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues,they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Your heart is in the hands of the right man when you’ve given it to Christ. Your heart in Christ is surrender. It’s a sigh of relief. It’s feeling safe when you’ve always felt on guard. It’s slowly and painfully tearing down the walls of a cracked heart and allowing for a spiritual renewal only Jesus can provide. It’s giving every last inch of yourself to him to use for his grand plan. It’s trusting that every downfall and disappointment is only for your future benefit. You know your heart is in the right hands because his love for you and me, is everlasting and unconditional. His love never fails and never gives up. That feeling that we so desperately crave from humans, is a feeling multiplied when your heart is left in the hands of Christ.
And there is NOTHING that can separate us from his love for us.
” No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:37-39
When we leave our hearts in the hands of Christ, we no longer have to worry about who we believe is good for us or whether we will ever be loved. We don’t have to stress about every failed relationship, wondering when that right person will finally come. We don’t have to worry about our mistakes and regrets. We no longer have to worry about every last detail of our wedding day or whether his plan for our lives is just that. All we have to do is just be. Just trust that things will fall into place and know that what’s in store will happen without our control.
“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways trust in him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6
Although I daydream about that “Big Day” way too often, I know in my heart that I am not emotionally ready for the process. I know that there is much more work that needs to be done within me before I can commit to something so big.
What we can be ready for though, is more of God. We can fix our eyes on him, rejoice in his love and grant him the keys to our heart.
The verse Proverbs 4:23 is at the top of the article for a reason.
To guard your heart is to protect your inner self; your thoughts, feelings, emotions, desires, will, and daily choices. Except with God, there’s no reason to guard your heart. When your heart is in the hands of Christ, you’re safe. He will never drop it. He will never betray you. He will never hurt you or make you regret giving him your heart. You can trust without fear. You can be wholly you and free from control, from manipulation, from discontentment. You can be free from the chains that bind you to what sets you apart from Christ’s love. Only when you give your heart to Christ will the emptiness in your heart be restored. It’s okay to be single. It’s okay to not have your life figured out yet. It’s okay to still be finding yourself. This life is a journey and nobody ever asks you to rush through it.
Don’t even worry because the love you seek meets you right where you are.